It’s called football.

by Nic Olson

Let’s talk real football. Worldwide football. It is a beautiful thing, a game that can be played literally anywhere, virtually anytime. It’s a pretty beautiful thing indeed.
When I left Canada, I left a soccer team behind, and that sucked. I miss playing on the cushiony artificial turf that is Regina’s indoor facility. I have had many a good evening, turf burning my knees, hips and face, making a save.

The past month I have played more soccer than I ever have before. I usually get an hour in daily, if not more. Either working the juggling skills, something I could never do until I came here, or just playing a game of pickup, soccer has been the activity of choice thus far.

Sometimes we have intersquadular battles between the college, sometimes we have heated competitions versus the younger school boys, but either way, it is a doozy of a time. One day, one of the older dudes named Michel (pronounced Mickel, as far as I know), probably 45 years of age wearing his Canadian tuxedo (jean jacket and jeans), and he thought it would be a good idea if he played goalkeeper for a while, as we, young men, took some blistering shots at him. I felt bad for a while, afraid I’d break a hip or cause a puncture of the spleen, but it turns out he is nimble and a solid keeper. I gave him a rest, played keeper for a while, and showed the Indians that Canada sucks at soccer, but enjoy its position at the teat. I often play with a guy named Duseka (pronounced Deuce-ekah) a really good athlete, and other young guys named Arun (pronounced Aroon) and Arum, (pronounced like, “Is that a Whisky or what is it?” “No, no, no, that is A RUM.”)

The sad part about it here, is the most famous name they relate to soccer is Beckham. Too bad. The next most famous would go in this order, C. Ronaldo, Ronaldihno, Zidane and so on. The most famous ones are the sexy ones, if you didn’t notice. I often see photos of Beckham, his smokin’ wife, and his kid(s) in a tabloid photo, in small shops around town. Like he is important or something. He is good looking, that’s all he’s got going for him.

Anyways, be prepared when I return to Canada as a quick and powerful striker, instead of the slow, clumsy keeper you usually see. Yeah….

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