Shelf Control

by Nic Olson

Why can’t just everyone talk like a Canadian from Saskatchewan? That is the right way to talk.

One night at devo, one of the guys was talking about being the salt of the earth. He introduced his topic, and at the same time plucking at his shirt, like he was hot or nervous. Then, throughout the rest of his short message, I could have swore he was talking about being the Shirt of the earth, and without shirts nothing has flavour. I’ve heard of loud shirts, but not tasty ones.. (ohhh, that was bad). He couldn’t say salt, the way you’d think it should be said, but it came out like shirt. Put your tongue to the roof of your mouth, and say salt, it sounds like shirt. That musta been the problem.

Another time, one of the guys was started his devo topic, and I seemed that he was talking about the stability of shelves, shelf control, but it turned out he was talking about the last of the fruits of the spirit, self control. But man, do I ever look out for shelf control now. Powerful message, that one was.

This other girl, Thwethwe (pronounced Twee-twee. She has a shirt with a huge picture of Tweety bird on it. What are the chances? I tried explaining that the bird’s name is tweety, she just doesn’t get it.), I have been trying to teach my English. I have been working on getting her to say and respond to, “What’s up?” or “What up?” and eventually, the awesome short slang that emerged in early 2001, “Sup?”. She understands it, and now can respond with a sly, “Nothin’”. I have been working on a response to the question ‘How are things?’ with a response ‘Things are chill.’ But apparently chill is a difficult word to say, without adding a ‘er’ sound to the end. She tries to say it, and all I get is ‘Things are chiller”. New slang? Why not.

We’ve also been working on the word potato for quite a while now. It just isn’t happening.