Mizpah rides the Magdalene

by Nic Olson

Here’s another one of those butt end blogs, filled with thoughts that just couldn’t cut it.

I woke up the other morning with a major rash. I’m talking full chest and arms, red and indented rash. Looked like spiders were eating me all night. Usually when you wake up with a rash, for one reason or another and however you got it, it is bad news. Turns out I was just laying on my crocheted blanket for a long time.

I’ve figured it all out. The people here are afraid of being nude. When the first missionaries came over, they must have taught them what shame was, and that they could never be naked again. If they aren’t naked in the shower, are they ever naked? Maybe they are naked doing something that would be weird to me being naked, like doing yoga, or working construction. They are all Never-nudes. Tobias would take comfort knowing that he was one of many.

There is an insect here that sounds like it is constantly logging on to dial-up internet. The exact same high pitch screechy sound, and it lasts for hours. It is like being back in 1997 again.

I found a sling shot. Real high quality, homemade brand, but strong like a paintball gun.. After a good half hour of shooting things perfectly fine, with nearly perfect aim I might add, I saw a bird, picked up a rock and shot the rock quickly. The rock, however, didn’t go the way a rock should when you shoot a sling shot. The rock slang and shot me, hit me right above the zipper on my jeans, just inches from the worst day of my life. And if that happened, I likely would’ve fell, then rolled down a set of 80 rock stairs that I was standing at the top of.

I led songs at church one week. I didn’t really have a choice. I chose some classics. It was awful.

Scott and I taught the guys the wonderful game of dodgeball. It took a while for them to catch on, but once they did, it was pretty fun. I don’t think throwing a ball is a natural motion for many of them here, what with the two handed hoofers they layed out, but it was sweet.

I finished supper one night and needed to utilize the squatter. When I was finishing up, a wall lizard jumped off the wall onto my head, then into my water bucket. I closed the bathroom door and tried rushing it out the window, but the only place he wanted to go was my toilet, just recently de-freshened. He squirmed around for a while, I tried to flush him out, save his life, but it was too late. Needless to say, I laughed for quite sometime. LOL’ed, you could say. Apparently dead lizards float. As do other things.

I saw a lady put out a cigarette on her tongue. Straight outta the movies, man.