Let’s all go to Western

by Nic Olson

It has been pretty warm up here lately. People here seem to get the intense body sweats when it hits +20 Celcius, but not this guy. Back in the 90’s, when I lived in White City for the summers, I had to sleep in the basement all summer long because the surface was too hot for my sleeping habits. A long time ago I remember Laura (mom) telling me that I would never be able to go to India because it would be too hot for my Canadian temperatured body. Boy did I prove her wrong.

Being part of a moving company really shows you the stupidest part of the western civilization. It is about the most frustrating thing when you have to move people’s useless crap from one house to another and it takes eleven hours to load it all onto three trucks. I know it is super trendy to talk about materialism and how North Americans have so much crap, but this job kills it. I just don’t get why people must have three plasma screen TVs, two childrens pools, a million garden tools, and loads of other crap that I don’t have enough energy to type out because it is that useless. Thing is, my family likely has triple what this dude has, and if things continue the way they are going, I’ll likely have a million friggin’ boxes full of garbage when I’m old and ugly.

While throwing around priceless china and smashing glass with my unconcerned crap-tossing, I was wondering why I am in Canada. Why was I born here? Why do I still live here? There are better places for me to be, better things for me to do, better… Oh whatever. I’ll be here forever.

Then I’m in a new situation. Where I don’t really see the need of getting a job that pays 8 million a year, because I don’t see the need of having more things. I’m back to my usual ‘crap-what-do-I-do-in-two-months’ deal. Gotta love it. But don’t worry mom and dad, I’ll go back to school, but maybe major in Philosophy….. Oh man, just kidding. What a waste.

But on the plus side, this job is really working my delts, traps, and pecs. I am cut like a holiday ham. A holiday ham without the fat on it. Only six packs.