I sold out harder than NKOTB

by Nic Olson

As It Happens own Mary-Lou Finley or Barbara Budd, I don’t remember which one ’cause one of them died or something, told me this first. Then Jimmy texted me. New Kids on the Block reunion. Cue all girls aged 24-old to start singing Quit Playing Games With My Heart, I Want It That Way or the Oreo Song. I don’t know anything about this band except that when people listen to them, it isn’t a good time for me, and when people don’t listen to them, my ears are happier. But I personally know a good twenty girls that will go buy their new CD and dance awkwardly in their cars to the produced-to-death songs.

Step One: Have some fun!
But who am I to make fun of these old balls ’80s artists? (it should be OBOTB. Figure it out yourself.) I sold out too. I got a cell phone. Well, not really, it is still Kris’, but I use it to text people… I always knew I’d get a cell phone, but I held off as long as I could. What with the brain cancer, hollow friendships and hollywood-itis that they bring, what is the point. I now live out of the house, with no home phone. I am a loser enough as it is, if I don’t have a phone for people to contact me with, then I’d never leave the house, and eventually my bedroom. But the way Regina is going these days, I won’t have to leave my bedroom, because all my friends live in there. My OC collection, some cookies, and my action figures.
Step Two: Me and You…?
Predictions for the future as follows. Nic sells his soul to Rogers for a new Razr4, gets a Facebook account, signs with Victory Records, promotes WalMart and gets a girlfriend..
Step Three: We can climb a tree.