My Best Friends: Real People

by Nic Olson

I’d like to tell you about my best friends. I have spent hours with them; sharing meals, laughing at pop culture, solving mysteries, playing pranks at the office, making out, watching football games, getting in fights on the beach. You know, regular stuff. But they’re not regular people, they are incredibly special. You can turn them on easily, they don’t talk back, they won’t ditch you for a girl, and they are always there for you. Always.

I hate to make a list of all my best friends, but here it is, in no particular order…

Seth Cohen
Summer Roberts
John Locke
Sun Kwan
Tim Riggins
Leila Garrity
Jim Halpert
Earl Hickey

These people have changed my life. If you don’t know who even one of them is, google them, I am only friends with people who are googleable.
Without fail, they are there. Sometimes they leave for periods at a time and we are apart for months. But they are always available to advise for 22 to 45 minutes.
Their friendship is so good it is usually addicting and gives headaches.
It is much easier to be friends with these people, you don’t leave your house, you don’t spend money, you don’t talk. Very rewarding.
Real people are lots of work. Real people are seriously flawed. Real people are real. But TV is a mindtrap for real people, making them not real anymore. But only for short amounts of time. And there is nothing wrong with that. I guess.

I’m in love with Tim Riggins. And Sun Kwan. And every girl on TV.
Except Oprah, the women from the View, and women on CSI. They are all seriously flawed fictional characters. Because if they are real people, the whole world is going to hell.