The All-Star Game

by Nic Olson

This week has been up there with the most bizarre weeks of my entire life. It literally makes me wonder if the world is ending, or if my days are significantly numbered. I have a decent feeling, in my gut, of my imminent death. My impending doom, if you will. I don’t need to explain why, I just have that feeling. It could be part of the reason of why I am so nervous to leave the country. If my death is not near, then something big will happen soon. You know when you are watching your favourite weekly show, and you know something huge is going to blow your face off before the next commercial break? I’m getting that now. And usually on TV, that means death.

I would be fine if I died right now. Almost monthly I think about my death, and probably because of that, I’m comfortable with it. I feel that I’ve done enough/seen enough/met enough/ate enough in my life that I’ll be comfortable with it. I think about my funeral, if I’d have one. I think about who’d be there, what they’d say, what food there’d be, how hard people would cry and for how long. I think about how I hoped that my funeral wouldn’t be a bummer, but a party. I think about how it could be full of friends, like one epic hangout that I never could have had in real time, because of ‘prior engagements’ and other useless life crap. I just think about it a lot.

Maybe I feel like I will die because things are too good. My head is in a place it hasn’t been before, whether it shows or not. I am available to more ideas than ever before, but at the same time I am as stubborn as usual. It seems that I have things figured out more now than before, but at the same time can’t sort through my thoughts.

I hope I die (Don’t worry, this isn’t a suicide note. That would have a few more F-words.), or I hope something changes extremely. Not that I’m not content (7 out of 10, even), but for the past little while, I feel like I’m on the verge of something big. Something that will mean something. And if it’s not death, it will be equally as huge.

I am going to India in a week, and I’ve never been more excited in my life.