Korear: The Edited Version

by Nic Olson

I mean, Korea isn’t the worst place I’ve ever been….

For a country to be any good, in my mind, it has got to qualify in three incredibly important categories: food, girls, and the intangibles. Korea gets an A in each category.

Kimchi is the only thing I remember how to pronounce, but everything has been great and if all goes well I’ll be eating dog by the end of the week. Apparently dog offers some serious manhood power, if you know what I mean. If not, google the word penis and Mr. Jung.

The girls are all beautiful and dress fancy, so we’ve got that in common.

The intangibles might get a B+. In your world the public transit is equal for the masses, without any strict societal guidlines. But here, young lazy white guys give up their seats for elderly Koreans. I’m really quite cool with this. Old people in Korea are more important than kimchi in a Korean meal, or black toques at a hardcore show or coffee for a white person. In Canada if an old lady came on the bus I’d likely give her my seat (unless she was part of a visible minority or blind). But I could start a revolution here. I could be the white male Rosa Parks.
The smells are nice. Just another hemisphere’s general smell. Different than Canada’s official scents of hockey gloves and Tim Horton’s Toilet Bowl Cleaner.
The soul swallowing commercialism is evident as ever, just as much as anywhere else. With more circles framed by lines.
When the SARS epidemic hit, Korea must have ordered a serious shipment of SARS masks, which is what they will forever be known as until I die. People wear them walking down the street. My Korean friend says that they wear them because it is cold outside, a balmy 10 degrees. My Canadian friends say that they wear them if they are sick… Who to believe, a Korean Canadian living in Korea, or Canadian Canadians living in Korea. I think you know.

I could live here. It’s like Vancouver with cabbage and Koreans. And it has a Soul.
Of all the crappy tourist blogs in the world I bet that line has been used 1billion times too many.

Edit: Craig and Leah are alright.