Ariel and the Downfall of Mankind

by Nic Olson

For some reason I caught myself singing ‘Part of that World’ from the Little Mermaid. Then I listened to what she and I were singing.

First she lists all the things she owns (thingamabobs, whozits, whatzits, forks).
Then she begins to complain that she wants more. (something, something else, I want more!) and so on. No, she doesn’t want more from life, she wants legs, so she can marry a prince and get more things. It’s what every woman wants.

This is what some of the male part of my generation and 100% of the female part of my generation grew up on. I mean, I don’t remember the movie exactly. All I remember is a fat lady, a king with a trident, the priest that got a boner (youtube it), and how hot Ariel was. And this song of course.
Either way, no matter what happens in this world, the so-called recession was caused by children watching this movie, and basing their lives on these words.

The train is my new life. Three (at least) more train rides. Rats biting my face, cochroaches eating my food, and so on. The last train was unreal. A very feminine male, dressed very femininely (I don’t know what to call her/him) came and sat next to me. Very close to me, and put his/her hand on my thigh. He/She asked for 10 rupees, showing me with her fingers how many ten was, which comforted my and my inner thigh. I shook my head. He/She said it again. I shook my head again. Then I thought he/she was leaning in towards me for something (we almost made out), but he/she got up and left to grope some Indian men. This train also had large piano keyboard salesmen, dvd salesmen, and everything else you’ve ever wanted salesmen. Amazing.
The train I rode before this, I met some men that asked me if Canada was a Free Sex country. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I asked what that meant. They thought that in Canada you could go up to any woman and ask for sex, and that they’d say yes. I mean, Canadian girls are trashy, but that might be a little far. I guess that is what we get for having kissing in movies.

Slutty Canadians.