Twilight Flu

by Nic Olson

I watched Twilight last night. If you don’t know what Twilight is, ask any girl aged 10-16 and they’d probably tell you that it is the greatest vampire love story of our time. Or of all time, I can’t recall many great vampire love stories. If you don’t know what Twilight is, you could also ask any person aged 26-31 and they’d tell you that The Lost Boys is way better. And that part maybe true.

I was out of the country when this whole Twilight vampire obsession began. I wanted to watch it when I heard about it, because vampires are alright, and I think that Kristen Stewart is quite nice. Although most macho twenty-one year olds may tell you not to watch it, some male my age told me that I should. So I did. It was decent up until the baseball scene, which was probably the pivotal scene in the movie. I prefer the classic Lost Boys lines, ‘Death by stereo!’ or ‘My own brother, a goddamn shit sucking vampire. Oh wait ’til I tell mom, buddy.’

It seems that the saga that is Twilight hit pretty hard and pretty fast. A characteristic of the society we live in. Something popular, threatening, or beautiful is discovered and soon the entire world is praising, protecting or photographing it. Think of all the fads, all the trends, all the franchises over the past ten years, and you realize the dismal situation we are in. I think of all the epidemics and pandemics since I was in grade six and I could write an entire anthology of science fiction movies. We are constantly presented with these repetitive scripts and disease to-do lists and we don’t realize that we pour our money right back into them through obsession and anxiety. If you can convince the general public that something is impressive or deadly, you will get enough money to buy a tropical island and dream another one up.

A girl from work called me today, asking if I planned on getting the Swine Flu vaccine. I laughed through the telephone in her face. I thought she was joking, but apparently even people at my work are contemplating it. A staff wide vaccination. People I believed had it together mentally are even getting into it. It is making me wonder if everyone believes exactly what they hear, or if I have completely lost my mind. Neither would surprise me, nor would either delight me.

I know that Swine Flu likely exists, but the extent to which we believe it exists and how we have become to believe it exists is almost embarrassing to our species. Chances are good that I will become infected with the Swine Flu and die a slow and painful death. I would almost be happy if I did. I’d at least know that it was indeed I that had gone crazy and it wasn’t everyone else that had lost their minds. Some may consider me a skeptic or even a cynic. I would definitely agree. How can I not be skeptical or cynical when I have grown up in this generation that has gotten itself nowhere and will be known for nothing more than creating franchises of movies and scaring itself into pandemics. What other options do I have?

So drink up.