Bloody Gums and Gore-filled Suzuki

by Nic Olson

I’ve watched too many alien movies lately.

I sat in the dentist chair on the 5th Floor of SIAST in Regina, while my sister picked at calculus buildups, d-cal something, plaque issues, orthodontic cement and probably a few popcorn kernel pieces. It felt like I was in an alien spaceship, with forty other specimens being scraped and tested, all in one big room, like a mass science experiment, as the experimenters spoke in a foreign, alien-like language. The research of the cavernous depths of a pit of gingivitis and periodontitis. I wondered how often this could be done to me in my sleep, and how often experimental technology could have been transfused into my body through my gingival mouth. All I learned is that if you brush once a day or less, never floss, and eat lots of Mini Eggs, you can still have healthy teeth, despite what my sister may say.

Pulling into Yorkton last night at 6pm, each street light had festive green mood lighting above it, and the first thing that came to mind, was that it was an alien defense mechanism developed by the Yorkton Space Agency, who cover up their actual identities by telling people that they are Shriners.

Hearing about Suzuki and Gore teaming up and I instantly think they are secretly on the classified government agency that is trying to ensure that our ozone is strong so that alien forces cannot penetrate it and kill us all. That is the real threat of global warming.

If you’ve ever questioned anything before, I can tell you right now, it is highly likely that the answer involves alien interaction of some sort. It is almost too obvious.