The Pursuit of Selfishness

by Nic Olson

I am selfish for moving. I didn’t move here for any reason besides myself, when I break it all down. And I could have spent that money on something better. More selfless. When friends of mine are struggling for life, I have moved to a new place for no other reason than to change things for myself, with no regard anything else, and I did so with absolute ease. As people I meet here grapple for employment, two jobs that I didn’t even want fell into my lap. As thousands of humans struggle for life after the earth fell from under them, I pitch debit machines to wealthy business owners. If anyone can explain this to me, I’d be really relieved.

So I continue to eat cheap pizza, sip cheap beer, make phone calls and learn French, and I forget about it all a little bit more. With each hockey game I think less of India. With every plate of rice I think less of Regina. With every phone call from home I forget a little more about my duties here. Each second spent enjoying myself could be a second spent on something better. The truth is, each second of happiness is selfish.

And the worst thing I have got in my life is slight body aches and a dry throat in the mornings. And trying to catch up with the complete change of my life. And the thing that really bites is that I feel good here. I knew I would, but the fact that I have moved to a new city, started a new life and am actually enjoying it, only makes the world harder to understand, and makes me only feel worse about where things are at.

I’m not the only place. Change occurs elsewhere and life evolves constantly, and an Outlet Era officially ends.  A reminder of how the constant is not reliable, but that the only constant is change. And change is unreliable. And change is inevitable. And it is inevitable that it will be eventually be selfish.

Hooray for the pursuit of selfishness. May we all rot in hell.

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