‘F’ the Obese

by Nic Olson

Two people yesterday told me they were going to report me to the RCMP. Just for asking them how their day was and if they wanted to take advantage of a free offer that would allow them to save twenty to thirty percent on their merchant processing statements in the upcoming two years or so. What did I do wrong?

My friend got a ticket for taking her skates on the metro without any skate guards. $15. Keeping our public transit safe.

My boss got a ticket for jay walking. $47. Taking down the bad guys.

New! Today, while enjoying lunch sitting on the floor in a secluded mall hallway, the security guard came and told me not to sit on the ground. Picking up the trash, I guess.

Every other day I come home to a convoy of police vehicles, blocking off certain roads, erupting from underground tunnels, bombarding local ears with the song of fraudulent protection. Tax dollars well spent on dead heads that can drive cars fast and write bilingual fines.

They should have a new police force, forcing the police to police with less force. And farce. They should also have a new police force that enforces character; that enforces a law system of producing less brain dead money lovers and selfish creatures, and if you don’t comply with the laws laid down, you go to a isolated detainment centre where at least half of a brain is given to you, through surgically designed machinery.

That would be a program worth investing in. Where the police would give you a $15 ticket for neglecting to offer your bus seat to an elder fellow transitee. Where speed radars could be installed to send a notification to those who are constantly rushing through the days and never actually considering the day as something more than a page in a day timer. Where the program was designed to create better humans, and not more lawful humans. I guess we could have started with an education system that works. Prevention is better than cure.

Police would still be disliked. But at least we wouldn’t be in as deep as we are now. Maybe only half as deep.
Half of a brain, half as deep.

Police yourself, because it might be a while until our government thought it was a good idea to breed something other than money hungry vultures. It might be a real long time.

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