Unemployed Day #35:

by Nic Olson

-Ate granola and yogurt.
-Watched an episode: Breaking Bad, a show about a high school chemistry teacher making crystal meth, highlights many of my bad trips with NyQuil as a child.
-Read some more of the unfinishable book, The Brothers Karamazov
-Ate a tuna sandwich. There is something about tuna that always makes it hard for me to breathe, not like an allergy, but like how it feels when you eat a BigMac too fast. I eat everything too fast though. Still.
-Planned my April travels on Google Maps.
-Edited even more photos from the Habs game the night previous. Click on Cammalleri below for more.
-Longboarded to the Bank, Library, Bank again. It was -10 outside.
-Watched an episode: The Red Green Show. Canada’s finest piece of culture. I loved the show as a youth, watching on Saturday or Sunday nights or something, with my parents slurping their hot coffees from Expo ’86 mugs or out of handcrafted grandparent pottery. They told me that they were allowed to slurp because it was coffee, but that I couldn’t slurp my chocolate milk. I took their cups from the handcrafted grandparent chess table when they were finished, and sneakily slurped the last light sips, complete with coffee grounds floating about, cold and stale. Maybe this is the reason that coffee tastes like compost and ashtrays to me.

But the things that lasted were the Red Green memories. His home made Zamboni, his handcrafted grandparent rotating waist-high potato crisp lazy susan, that had four compartments for different fried foods while standing at a sporting event. Made out of a kiddy pool. Every episode concluded with the reminder, ‘Keep your stick on the ice.’ Advice like this is irreplaceable. Advice like this made men like Ryan Smyth and Travis Moen millionaires. I wish there was valuable advice like this thrown about on comedy programs that would benefit those in legal struggles, new relationships, financial woes, and slight acne problems. I guess I need to watch more infomercials.

Here is some more hockey advice that can be used interchangeably with life’s woes:
-Keep your head on a swivel. (For legal battles.)
-Get it deep and get off. (courtesy of Pierre McGuire.)
-Keep your head up. (For financial issues. Similar to legal battles, and often connected.)
-If nothing else, just ice it. (For acne problems.)
-Don’t stop moving your feet. (For traveling. Talking to an old man from India on the internet yesterday, he said, ‘Hi boy, you are like a rolling stone.’)
-Hack the bone. (For everyday life.)

Keep your stick on the ice.