I Hate (the) Flyers.

by Nic Olson

The things I’ll do for money aren’t anything to be proud of. I have applied at over forty jobs, primarily found on the glorious layout that is CraigsList. Mostly dishwashing, general labour, busboy, babysitting jobs, or anything that a Governor General Medal can get you. But I applied for the odd Gay Nightclub Doorman (I think it is the nightclub that is gay, not the doorman. Or either way), or Mystery Shopper as well. While friends of mine get to have days off because of the rain, or get paid to drink and eat cheese, or only have to work three hours a day, or get to live in San Francisco.

Today I woke up at 5:30am (05h30 en français) and took the metro to the furthest possible station from my house. I met eleven other unhireables, foreigners, coke addicts and morning strollers who wanted to make $50 extra dollars hanging 1000 fancy flyers on the handles of doors in residential Montreal. At 07h10 I headed down Rue Barré with four-hundred of my thousand doorknob decorations. Watching retirees wash the helicopter seeds from their gutters, talking with retirees as they sit and shake their lonely fists at you and tell you in French that you shouldn’t be living in Quebec if you can’t speak French well, seeing children off to school, wishing you could take them by the shoulders and warn them with violent shaking of where they will end up if they drop out of school; delivering flyers at 06h00 wearing the same clothes as you did the past week. At 13h00 I hung the final flyer for Play-It-Again Sports, a south Indian realtor, and cheap sushi on the door of the home of a person that could care less, and I could feel the difference I was making in the world in my searing feet, my bent-over back, my papercut hands and my parched esophagus. I can’t wait to shake my angry fists at the next generation when I retire and waste the last twenty years of my life. My next day of work at this job is June 27th. Really paying the bills.

So I applied at a few more jobs today. Like these:

Maid
Masseuse
Champagne Salesman

Hope one of them works out.

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