Identity Theft

by Nic Olson

I am a victim of identity theft. Ten million Americans a year are victims of identity theft, I am (technically not at all) one of those ten million. Someone created a Facebook account under my name, and based on the incorrect birthday, interests of 14 year old girls, and a few other reasons, I can assure you that it wasn’t me. I can also assure you that it bothers me none. Since the creation of Facebook, the threats of identity theft have been many. Many people, too lazy to communicate in old fashioned methods such as email, postcards, landline telephones or telekinesis have threatened to thieve my identity and create a profile of lusty smut under my name. I never thought I would be that guy until today. I have been violated.

I hope that I never become a victim of ‘real identity theft’ in my life, for the sole reason that if my identity is based on something that can be created online, stolen from my banking information or fabricated with a SIN number, then I don’t want an identity at all.

The good part, at this point in my life, is that I feel like I don’t have an identity that can be stolen. Nothing in the bank account. No real debt. Not even any knowledge of anything financial. No real identifiable human identity. Even if someone wanted to make me a fake email or social networking profile, or LavaLife profile, like we used to do when I was in grade 7, they would probably have just as good of an idea as I as to my identity and what I identify with.

Identity theft is a serious matter, and if you feel like you have been victimized, please contact Phonebusters, for the good of the nation. Phonebusters and I have actually worked together in the past, and although I am still skeptical of their methods, I would recommend that you contact them if someone ever makes you a fake Facebook account.

Recognize it.
Report it.
Stop it.