Freeloading

by Nic Olson

Currently I am sitting on a couch with a bowl of Froot Loops in front of a 50″ Sony TV watching 2001: A Space Odyssey on Netflix. My name is Nicholas Olson and I’m a Freeloader.

People have told me that they wish they could do what I am currently doing. Could be. As if they have no choice. As if I have no choice. Many cite marriage or work as the stifling element that doesn’t allow them to do what they wish they could. Most cite a financial situation.

They wistfully talk about their love for travel and what could have been if things had turned out. I quietly listen to their daydreamy trip itineraries of old as I sit and long for what they have. Stability and the ability to be comfortable in it. I listen to their words of envy for travel as I wish for the the familiarity of work and going to a place of employment everyday. Thinking about what I would be like if I could do what they were doing. Could, as if I have no choice.

So in an attempt to be a part of what they are doing, I cling to other people’s normalcies as a freeloader. I sit in on their family gatherings and daily routines, observing as much as I possibly can so that maybe I can learn something about social behaviour, or at least catch a quirky human behaviour to document in some way. And in an attempt to be a part of what they wish they could be doing, people put up with my freeloading. They let me sleep on their couches or in their guest room. They feed me and give me a key to their car. They give me the password to their Netflix account. They are hospitable. So that they can be a part of the little amount of travel that I get to take part in.

A give and take between people that are pleased with the direction of their lives, but still wish for the other side of it. It is inevitable that we envy our opposite.

To those open to allowing a malodorous, tattooed, longhaired, backpack carrying youth into your home: by supporting the lowest and the parasitic of our society, you are the greatest there is. You are restoring my faith in mankind, one ‘feel free‘ or ‘this is your home‘ at a time.

Freeloader Tips:
-Take out the garbage. Do dishes. Cook. Do the things that make you part of the family and make you look good.
-Have nice parents and/or a good looking brother for connections.
-Document your freeloading through photography and words in a mediocre manner so that those who are supporting your freeloading habits can stay up to date.
-Be content with doing nothing for long periods of time
-Eat very little.

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