Report: Disillusionment on a steady incline

by Nic Olson

In a recent report of the psychological state of Nicholas Olson’s being, disillusionment has shown a heavy thrust upwards to a near 100% rate. Recent events, including government policy concerned only with the bottom line, simultaneous workplace battles that dichotimize populations from unhealthy materialism to unhealthy addiction, and daily interactions with a selfish, thoughtless, over-emotional, arrogant human race have increased this particular man’s cynicisms exponentially, with a plummeting rate of hope in humankind. Similar trends have been noticed in the past five consecutive years, documented through countless unofficial Balls of Rice reports, however this report is especially significant because of recent serious attempts at bucking negativity, increasing leisure time, and focusing on making a tangible, but simple, difference in day to day life, all of which have proven failures.

When asked how his day went, Olson replied, “Oh.. fuck.” When asked to comment, Olson replied, “How do you live happily in such a mess of human beings metaphorically and physically tugging at their genitals in order to improve solely their own lot?” For obvious reasons, reporters declined to ask further questions.

Direct causes for the rate increase include the growing gap between upper and lower classes in ‘developed’ nations noted locally through irresponsible housing policy, environmental neglect and purposeful ignorance in environmental issues in order to expediate financial dividends, as well as general selfishness, arrogance, and impatience of human beings, especially in that of the male in question.

There has been no noticeable correlation between the frequency of ‘disillusionment reports’ released on Balls of Rice, and the rate of disillusionment, however many outsiders wonder whether Balls of Rice reports are the cause or the cure of the current high rate.

*Rates of disillusionment are measured in the following formula: # of migraines multiplied by degrees of apathy added to hours of exhuastion divided by ‘shits given squared’.