They wouldn’t accept my blood. The proper receptacle, the Canadian Blood Services, would not take my blood that I was willingly offering. I am a strapping young lad, if I do say so myself. Although I may not be able to squat three hundred pounds, although I may sweat after climbing two sets of stairs to take a five-second piss, although my hygiene leaves something to be desired, I am a regular limber and nimble Hulk Hogan. And all because I entered the land of Mexico for a brief two weeks. Somehow, according to Heath Canada, malaria-ridden mosquitos inhabit the Mexican states that neighbour the United States, but they dare not cross the border, likely because of ‘up the ass’ border treatment and the ‘you look like a threat’ Immigration Agents of Arizona. They are all a threat. Mosquitos I mean…

And although the professionals didn’t want my tainted, tattooed, malarial, gold-infused blood, someone else is constantly trying to suck it from me. The recent rise in vampire popularity is entirely caused by the fact that people can relate getting sucked dry by lifeless, immortal, unstoppable beings. The bloodsuckers, the bastards, stare directly into the souls and habits of the weak individual, taking from them the pieces that make them warm-blooded animals. Take away the arts, take away supporting other human beings, take away hockey, take away the environment. This bloodsucking beast, a multi-headed, sharp-clawed collection of a profit-first government and profit-first corporations, takes what it wants. We are in the age of the beast.

Although it may seem dramatic to describe policy makers as evil, as in, lacking any good or regard for others, I will stick to it. There must be good there, it is just hidden behind blood-stained teeth and human-digesting stomach acids. Deep below the five serpent heads, past the sickly heart pumping the vitriol, possibly wrapped in the bowels, strangled and without light.

A friend eloquently told me this: We all have basic needs. The reason that we are here, where we are, is heavily based on wants. It is those people that perpetuate the mentality of wants that need to be controlled. That is, the bloodsuckers need to be controlled. Our blood, what makes us human, what makes us good, is being sucked dry. It is being is being frozen. Becoming sludge. We can revive our crumbling culture, we can offer a blood transfusion, by controlling those who need to be controlled. Those who perpetuate the mentality that profit, fast profit, matters more than our health and our education and our culture and our neighbours.

Don’t become lethargic because they have sucked you dry. Your blood is all you’ve really got.