The Plan Your Life Calculator

by Nic Olson

Put your age here.

Put your weight here.

Your retirement age here.
Your life expectancy here.
Your average income here.
(devastatingly important mathematical calculation is done)
And here is what you need to do…(incredibly great life advice is given)
There are such calculators. I did one today. It literally changed my life. 
Now, not only do I know how I want to spend the remainder of my professional and personal life, it made me angrier and more cynical than ever before.
I’m living as smooth as a Marlboro cigarette, and all it takes is one small instance to fully explode my face, like a gag cigar. I go from place to place, wandering, hoping something comes up to take me and lead me onto something better, and it never comes, and I am never led. Even when I realize that I need to lead myself somewhere, I still buy some time and wait for my leader. Wait for my calculation to come to truth, and for my mathematical life to be lived out.
Lately I have been finding myself on the phone a lot, but haven’t had one conversation yet. I keep dialing the fifteen digits, hoping for an answer, and therefore a lead. I often find myself performing routinely duties, with a static on my ear, wishing I’d be whisked away from the retail life.
I feel different than everyone else, wiser and more ambitious, and then I realize I am exactly the same as the ones I hail the worst. If not worse. The Calculator must give out pretty similar calculations, ones that lack leadership, ambition and any sort of purpose.
Go here to plan your life!
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