Balls of Rice

Hazardous to Yourself

Written by

Nic Olson

in

Just read an article on clogging arteries

Renewed subscription to my health food magazine
Don’t wanna die young, I’m paranoid about the future
I’m only 19 and I’m a health food connoisseur

Right now I’m sitting in a room, I could be lying in a box if I don’t eat right

Some people tell me what is good and bad for me
I don’t trust anyone but health food magazine
Mom makes me food that sucks and I refuse to eat
Lock myself in my room, lose thirty pounds a week

Right now I’m sitting in a room, I could be lying in a box if I don’t eat right

Stay locked in your room all day, your warped imagination
Stacks of books are piled high, with useless information
Let your anxiety tell you what is good and bad for you
Let paranoia tell you what to do
You always say that it’s a hazard to your health
Why don’t you put your fucking fear back on the shelf
Because the only hazard I see, the only hazard I see
The only hazard I see is yourself

Signed a petition to get smokers out of here
I got the figures on second hand smoke death rate every year
Can’t go outside my room, you know I just can’t leave
I’m too afraid that I will get some weird disease

Right now I’m sitting in a room, I could be lying in a box if I don’t eat right

My doctor tells me I’m a hypochondriac
He claims he can help me, but he’d stab me in the back
Been all around my room, there’s nothing good to eat
Health magazine with ketchup is my new delicacy

Right now I’m sitting in a room, I could be lying in a box if I don’t eat right

Stay locked in your room all day, your warped imagination
Stacks of books are piled high, with useless information
Let your anxiety tell you what is good and bad for you
Let paranoia tell you what to do
You always say that it’s a hazard to your health
Why don’t you put your fucking fear back on the shelf
Because the only hazard I see is what you’re doing to your health
The only hazard I see, the only hazard I see
The only hazard I see is yourself


No, I didn’t write this in Grade Two. This one might have been Grade Four…. No Use For a Name. They are the ones that wrote it, back in the days of glorious punk rifts and catchy pop choruses. Before the ‘chuggalugs’ were popular. This song in four verses, four bridges and two choruses, explains my feelings in the past seven months. Forgive the swears, no censorship here. 
The only thing I don’t agree with in this song is the part about my mom making sucky food. We all know that Laura hasn’t cooked a sucky meal since I’ve been alive, and quite likely years and years before that. The only sucky thing my mom has done that is sucky is her first three attempts at children….

I can’t even start to explain my hate for the paranoia that is pushed on us everyday. If we believed half of the things we read or heard about on the news, we’d all be dead anyways. It is a basic fact that everything you hear on the news is 99% crap and 1% toilet. Think about it.

The only thing in North America that is dangerous or hazardous to us in anyway, is ourselves. If you forget to wash your apple before you eat it, I promise you’ll be ok. If you brush your teeth once a week, I promise, your teeth will still stay white. If you don’t have soap to wash your hands after dropping a giant d, you’re food won’t be contaminated. Suck it up. Don’t listen to anyone. Don’t wash your hands.

Comments

6 responses to “Hazardous to Yourself”

  1. jerms

    great band, great song.but its so true. be careful, 25 people in canada caught this epidemic disease last year. its going to get us all.by our drugs to save yourself.

    Reply
  2. Jessie

    i love the olson attitude.and it is one that i have long sought after.but it’s a hard one for me to catch on to.i’m lame.i wash my apples.i scrub my hands after i poop.it helps me sleep at night.99% crap, 1% toilet? that is sweet.i hope you made up that line yourself.but in the end, you are right.the other day i finally realized something about myself.as much as i hate to admit it, and try not be, i am a person bound by rules and boundaries.always trying to do the ‘right’ thing..and not wavering from that because my conscience ways far too heavy on me.but what is right anyway?and who decides that?i wish i could be more like you nic and just say screw it, i’ll do what i want. but sometimes i just don’t know how to do that.(and by be more like you, i don’t mean stop showering and grooming myself…i am moreso referring to thought patterns and the actions that come out of those thoughts)ok, maybe you are not fully right.laura had 4 A+ kids.seriously…well, maybe kris is an A-, but you get the idea.

    Reply
  3. John and Angie

    Don’t wash your hands. . .or watch the Golden Compass. Steer Clear. Or else.

    Reply
  4. Benji

    what if poop gets on your hand when you wipe?don’t buy one ply.

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    One of my best friends ate a raw calf nut. That was back in 1999, and he is still rockin and rollin, perhaps harder than ever. I have eaten POUNDS of stuff people tell me I shouldn’t. I am not scarred of any type of sickness, I figger if my body can’t handle it … maybe it’s just not trying hard enough, and perhaps it doesn’t belong on the team.well that is my $0.02, I hope you sleep well tonight.Colb

    Reply
  6. charity

    You are right nic.My food microbiology professor said you will only get sick from a bathroom handle if there is ‘shit smeared on the handle’.Those are his exact words.Good to see you again brother.

    Reply

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