I’ve been planning a ‘colon cleanse’ for sometime now. I’m not sure if it will actually be cleaning my colon out, or exactly what it will be cleaning, but all I know is that my body needs it. A full summer of toting around tourists, eating greasy poutines, slippery smoked meats, a few cheap beer, cow ball and intestine soup, and the occasional tri-weekly pizza slice can take a toll on a young man, and his daily bathroom therapy sessions. My guts have been screaming for a wallpaper remodelling. For a trip to the inner body, high-pressure waterslides.  For a green, environmentally friendly switch from the Hummer to the bicycle. For a shit cleaning.

So here I am. Day One of hopefully a full week of my raw fruit and vegetable cleanse. Never in my life have I challenged my diet like this, except when I tried eating an entire ham to gain ten pounds in a week. I researched this very gingerly, meaning I read one webpage probably with Adult Friend Finder ads on the side, but I can’t imagine, well balanced and planned out, that it could be a bad thing. Sure without rice, bread, pizza, dal or chick peas I might pass out everyday by noon, just as long as when I am sleeping my colon revamps itself. Here’s to hoping my colon doesn’t revamp itself all over my shorts while laying in bed. Yesterday I had a sandwich in a cabbage leaf (below). Today I had a banana, kiwi, spinach, prune juice cocktail (below, further). For lunch, the possibilities are endless, but they end at the combinations of ten different items I bought. Watermelon Cabbage salad? Red Pepper and Banana dipped in guacamole? I’m out of ideas…

(If you haven’t noticed on each of my past 426 posts of Balls of Rice’s four year existence, I usually attempt to tie together the things going on in my everyday to the things going on in my brain. It is usually a failed attempt, or so forced, that nullifies everything I wrote previous. But I continue to do it, and I will do it again.)

How does one cleanse their brain? Is it the same process of ingesting only natural, fresh, essential sustenance? The things I would consider natural and essential when it comes to mental sustenance are probably far from it, and the things that others would recommend I would decline as irrelevant.  I could turn off my computer, my iPod, my table fan, my metro pass, my camera for a week and see what happens, but I doubt that this would fully emancipate the years of greasy poutine-filth that has settled itself so deep into my mind. I don’t think a week long therapy could clean the grease bound, cholesterol ridden caverns of my mind. I don’t think much could, besides a memory eraser.

In my infinite negativity I instantly question the point of cleansing bodies, minds, ‘souls’ because they are just going to get clogged up or bogged down with cheese curds anyways. Similar to my theories of bathing. But if we aren’t a people constantly looking for full renewal and restitution, through cleanses or conversations or investigating, then we aren’t worth much after all.

Day One.