Balls of Rice

Author: Nic Olson

  • The Versus Series: Distance Vs. Time

    Distance. You can be far away from something in more than one way, but neither way is great. Being close is nice, it is actually the nicest. People always talk/sing about distance vs. time. You are x miles away and only x minutes away. Or you are only x minutes away but we are still x miles apart. (Every rose has it’s thorn.) I think it’s cheap. An inexpensive way of getting around that fact that you are incapable of certain feelings. The actual distance between two things matters not, if they are not close enough to touch anyways. If Object A is x miles from Object B, and Object C is y miles from Object A, x and y do not matter unless y=x-x. That is just complicated for the sake of complication. If two things aren’t together, then their distance doesn’t matter at all. It could be x centimetres, or it could be 10000x centimetres. Distance doesn’t change things.

    vs.

    Time. The worst of all unfathomable things. It doesn’t even make a bit of sense; as to how we allow minutes to weeks to years change what decisions we’d make and what things we could change. The idea of Time weakens a real person, into a real nothing, if a person lets it. Just as distance doesn’t matter, neither does Time. But unlike Distance, Time changes things. For better or worse, it doesn’t matter. This unfathomably non-existent thing, changes everything, like we have no choice. 

    Time heals all wounds. Time passes you by. But I say Time doesn’t exist. Just ask a Philosophy major. Which, obviously, I am now.

    The Winner: Velocity




  • YYC International

    As the awkward bearded business man wipes his nose with his finger, and his young pointy shoed colleague chats on his Blackberry, designer wheeled everything follows behind like a wounded dog.
    Hippies have their hammocks spewing out of their practical travel backpacks, as their 60 year old parents walk them to the BMW.
    People adjust themselves once, twice, as a family of immigrants travel home while another family of immigrants cooks your burger.
    The perfect place for people-watching.

    I love airports. Everyone is so familiar because you feel as tired and ugly as they do. Everyone at every airport looks the same except that one deadly redneck to my left. Never seen him before.
    Travel is the world’s best indicator as to what class you are in. First of all, airplanes do it straight up. First, business, economy. But then there is the class that can’t afford air travel. Buses, trains or nothing. You can’t deny your class when you look at travel options. They will tell you where you are. I would rather not be associated with most airplane travellers.

    Your true character is shown when you are when you are late for your connecting flight to Puerto Vallarta.

  • Better Than That

    Music has meant more to me the past year than I can remember.

    This song has got me going wild. It is by a band called ALL. 
    Yeah, I know, weird name. Why not just name your band SOME or IN. Get over it. 
    They are pretty much The Descendents, for anyone that knows anything. The actual song is literally unreal, and these words are cool as well.
    So invigorating.
    P.S. Sorry for the confusion. I thought I made it clear. I am not and will not be going to school for Creative Writing anytime soon. Or ever, if my forty year plan works out. Fingers crossed.
    And just to avoid confusion again, I don’t have a forty year plan. I don’t even have a forty second plan.
    Better Than That
    performed by ALL
    Once you recognize the truth tell me what do you do?
    It’s inside of me and its inside of you,
    Addicted to the sickness its an actual fact,
    All I know is I hope we’re better than that.

    We try to lend a hand, to help our fellow man,
    We cooperate enough to stay alive,
    But what is said and done, its all about number one,
    And the devotion to the trinity of me, myself and I.

    Once you recognize the truth tell me what do you do?
    It’s inside of me and its inside of you,
    Addicted to the sickness its an actual fact,
    All I know is I hope we’re better than that.

    I remember once this guy, made my girl cry,
    So I went to get a hammer to break his knees,
    Nothing came of it, except just macho bullshit,
    Or expression of the symptoms of the naked ape’s disease.

    And the nightmare keeps repeating,
    While the consciences are sleeping,
    Untroubled and unclean.

    This cool girl that I know went and had a baby,
    An amazing leap of faith, And when I see them,
    she lets me hold the kid a while,
    and I watch the baby smile,
    I thought I’d outgrown hope,
    But what I see there gives me reason.

    Once you recognize the truth tell me what do you do?
    It’s inside of me and its inside of you,
    Addicted to the sickness its an actual fact,
    All I know is I hope we’re better than that,
    All I know is I hope we’re better than that,

    Oh we’re better than that,
    Oh we’re better than that,

    All I know is I hope we’re better than that.

  • Life Advice: Listen to Tim, Volume 2

    You may remember a passage from the date of Friday, November 16th, 2007 where I advised you to listen to the advice of a certain man. A man that you would think is under thirty, but is narrowly over it. (it is Tim McMillan. I hate when people have links to other sites that you have to check in order to understand the blog. I hate that. I do it often.)  The passage itself actually had little to do with the man himself, but still was great advice, to listen to his advice.
    Recently he advised me to go to university for Creative Writing, if that’s even possible. So that is what I’m going to do. I have enrolled for the fall semester at the University of Regina, so I can broaden my horizons of creatively writing, and making my blog that much more enjoyable, just for you.
    No.
    Blogging is one of the more awkward things that I can think of. I remember when blogs were first started, before they were called blogs and they were called ‘LiveJournals’ and whoever had one of those was a serious headcase. I have read through every single one of my blogs since I began on the Myspace blog five years ago, and things have changed. 
    They began as just a daily update of what I did, always lacking direction and awfully constructed. 
    Then I began to ‘think’ more obscurely, realizing that blogging is weird, writing blogs that had little to do with anything, but I tried to relate them to the world.
    Then I began to write straight forward passages about topics that affected my audience. Usually crude, rude, unacceptable, not politically correct, or so punk rock, that everyone had to love them. This was also around the India trip, when my bloggage peaked.
    In the phase I’m in now, I sometimes write artsy blogs that have to be interpreted, like those who once wrote ‘LiveJournals’. I always hated that kind of writing, but now admittedly, I almost slightly enjoy them. Oh how the world changes, and how the blog of a young man can grow. Grow into a young spring blossom, urging the dew to lay upon its bosom, and to reach into the scent that is lavender and jasmine.
    So, this blog hit it all. An update, a straight forward talk about a topic that effects you, and now here’s the art in me. Interpret this poem I wrote, please. Try to understand the inner workings of a messed up young adult. Relate with me. I am crying out for your attention. Read it. It’s pretty straight forward, or so you’d think.

    One and two, but don’t forget that code.
    Not even a tone that CSI could decypher.
    Just makes me realize
    the skeleton-like cell phone plan that I am.

    Wait, what? Say that again
    Muffled advice that I should have taken years ago
    ‘Please Try Again’ / ‘Don’t get your hopes up’

    Move on and let static life hiss
    But it’s impossible for me. Static sucks and moving on hurts.

    I’m just riding a bicycle for two.

  • The Plan Your Life Calculator

    Put your age here.

    Put your weight here.

    Your retirement age here.
    Your life expectancy here.
    Your average income here.
    (devastatingly important mathematical calculation is done)
    And here is what you need to do…(incredibly great life advice is given)
    There are such calculators. I did one today. It literally changed my life. 
    Now, not only do I know how I want to spend the remainder of my professional and personal life, it made me angrier and more cynical than ever before.
    I’m living as smooth as a Marlboro cigarette, and all it takes is one small instance to fully explode my face, like a gag cigar. I go from place to place, wandering, hoping something comes up to take me and lead me onto something better, and it never comes, and I am never led. Even when I realize that I need to lead myself somewhere, I still buy some time and wait for my leader. Wait for my calculation to come to truth, and for my mathematical life to be lived out.
    Lately I have been finding myself on the phone a lot, but haven’t had one conversation yet. I keep dialing the fifteen digits, hoping for an answer, and therefore a lead. I often find myself performing routinely duties, with a static on my ear, wishing I’d be whisked away from the retail life.
    I feel different than everyone else, wiser and more ambitious, and then I realize I am exactly the same as the ones I hail the worst. If not worse. The Calculator must give out pretty similar calculations, ones that lack leadership, ambition and any sort of purpose.
    Go here to plan your life!

  • Coalition Collision

    The Governor General finally is called upon to do something more than spend money and schmooze the world. But what will she do?

        

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  • Descendents – Thank You

    From the album “Everything Sucks”

    I listen to you for hours, I’ll listen all day
    Just keep hitting me the right way
    Sing your song in the shower
    Cause you got a way
    To say what I can never say right – right on
    When I feel weak you make me feel strong
    Make me feel strong

    I won’t say your name
    But you know who you are
    I’ll never be the same again now – no way
    I just want to say
    Thank you for playing the way you play

    You don’t get played on the radio
    That’s not the game you play
    Well I don’t care anyway
    I glued your tape in the stereo
    So I know every word, every note
    And every chord is right – right on
    When I feel weak you make me feel strong
    Make me feel strong feel like nothing’s wrong

    I won’t say your name
    You know who you are
    I’ll never be the same again now – no way
    I just want to say thank you for playing the
    Way you play

    Did you know you’re why I go
    And waste my time
    At a rock and roll show
    You let me know I’m not alone
    You make me feel strong, make me feel strong,
    Feel like nothing’s wrong

    I won’t say your name, you know who you are
    I’ll never be the same again now – no way
    I just want to say
    Thank you for playing the way you play
    Thank you for playing the way you play
    Thank you for playing the way you play


  • The Night of the Living Rachel Bilson


    The entertainment business owns the world. It is a multi billion dollar industry. It is a single mother of four, with two jobs and a casual marijuana addiction. It is an icy road with a slippery slope. It owns.

    Music and movies and Internet and TV and sports and iPods and cell phones and books and underwear and travel and food are all made to entertain you and very often rarely seldom barely do much good for your body’s well being or the well being of the endangered tropical polar bear or the well being of the poor or the well being of your city’s roads. They are there to give you something to do between work and sleep. They are there to make money, but can be there to change ideas, or inform idiots. But mostly to make money. This passage is even written to give you something to do while you are doing your online friend networking, or are just sadly checking blogs as the last thing you can think of to do to entertain you. And maybe it will change ideas and inform idiots.

    Every one thousand songs you might find one that was written sincerely, or every one million movies you might find one scene that was written with decent intent. When you do, it is special, different than the rest, and refreshing. It can be real.

    The other night we stayed up until 630am watching a zombie movie (incredible) and a girly movie (incredible). Though neither stuck out to me at all as being entertainment with a positive alterior motive (don’t shoot shotguns at gas pumps) or with any purpose or motive (don’t impregnate someone you don’t want to have a child with), Rachel Bilson put it this way…

    “Everyone I know is having a crisis. I know you’re not supposed to get them until midlife, but I think something is happening to our metabolism… I mean the world is moving so fast now, we are all chasing something so fast that we start freaking out long before our parents did…’Cause we don’t ever stop to breathe any more. You gotta remember to breathe or you’ll die. “

    And she changed my life. I would always choose the not pregnant free spirited college girl. ALWAYS.