Author: Nic Olson

A war veteran flipped me off today.

I have found myself sprinting from car to place and place to car. Am I running for something or from something?

My nose has been broken for a while, and it feels like I just rebroke it recently. I can’t even smile.

I am leaving for a month in five days. Touring Canada. At the same time my parents leave for a month to where my loins lead me.

I delivered lightbulbs tonight, and loved it.

Everything has been downhill into a bowl of jello.

I was eating ice cream cake and got icing in my iPod dock. But all is well. I write this on that.

See. Feel. Think. Do.

A careful assessment of one’s life should be done often. Should be.
The amount it is actually done depends on the life.
It can take, like with love, a certain number of days or a certain lack of the subject itself, to cause a careful assessment.
The assessment of life can show it’s real depravity, or it’s absolute wealth. And that can change within a minute, depending on what caused the initial assessment.
After twenty years of assessing, I see changes more recently that I am content with, but still see possibilities available and feel like I’m still at the bottom. It feels good to be here, but tiring.

Count the asses above.

I’ve found a few walls lately. Tall, strong, insurmountable. Things I feel I should be doing, because they are beliefs held by masses of people, and I don’t know what to do or say to avoid them. I can’t change these ideas, but I can decide not to accept them.

“Of course, I cannot break through this wall with my head if I don’t have the strength to break through it, but neither will I accept it simply because I face a stone wall and am not strong enough.”

-Fyodor Dostoevsky

Usually the only thing that gets me going, are the dead. Is that sick? No its not, ’cause I mean the undead, as in zombies. And by the term ‘gets me going’ I don’t mean like a fetish, although I can guarantee you could find a few (million) hits if you googled zombie fetishes. I can guarantee… They get me going in a ‘this is old and familiar’ way. I haven’t seen many zombie movies from thirty years ago, but I’m sure they are similar (the same) as the ones today.

I’ve watched a few zombie flicks this week and things haven’t been better. I look great, feel great, sleep great thanks to some zombie on human action (so hot). But one day I watched another non-zombie movie after the zombie movie. It doesn’t matter which one, but it ‘got me going’ in a different, still not fetishy, way. Every time I see it I want to run away. To the forest, to California, to somewhere I’ve never been before, to somewhere I miss. It makes me want to leave without telling anyone, and leave for good. When I think about it I get a shivery, but still not fetishy, kind of excited.

Something new, or even something borrowed or something blue (no, by this I do not mean a wedding, but a possible marriage of ideals). The future excites me, all the while the old familiar present zombie movie life is making me the most content with the least I’ve ever had.

I can see into peoples souls. I can tell what they think, what they strive for, and what they had for breakfast. Through their eyes I can see this. Blue eyed people make it a lot easier, what with their beautiful ocean eyes. Brown eyes make soul reading harder because they are dark and mysterious. I can see when people are searching for something more and suceeding, or if they are searching for more cash and succeeding, or if they are searching for more but just tired, or if they are absolutely content. I like to think that I can see that. In their eyes.

So what about my eyes? Well I can’t possibly look into my own eyes without a mirror or camera and everyone knows that both of those tools cancel out any soul excavating skills that I have. All I ever hear from my eyes is “I’m droopy and pink with bags under my eyes.” So what could that possibly mean? Cynicism, self righteous-ism? Must be physical strength unknown.

Every day I subconsciously choose to make myself feel better because of my job. Feel like I am better than every one of my friends, coworkers and anyone else around me all because with the pay of ten an hour, how could I possibly be striving for only money? I can think that all I want, when the deep dark truth is that I’m lazy and tired.

Behind the safety goggles and facemasks were eyes hurting for bigger paychecks, so I moved to a new job hoping this wouldn’t be the case. Then I saw the eyes of nearly everyone in the working world.

I don’t want to be known as a person who only seeks money, but I also don’t want to be known as a cynical, self righteous prick. So Good Clean Fun tells me this, “So if you’re waiting for judgement day or just waiting to get paid, it’s all the same it’s just two different ways to pray.”
So there. All it takes is one good band to tell me how it is and everything is good again.
Yooooooou gotta stay positive!
Anyone? No I didn’t think so.

Yesterday I woke up, and skatedboarded to work. Longboarded. It takes about 40 minutes.
On the way, I stopped on the side of the road for some water and saw a friend biking to school. We talked for a while.
I skated the rest of the way to work.
I worked. If you want to call it that. New high score, Anaconda, iPod touch: 125.
I left work, skated to my parents house. I said hello, hung out for a while.
I got on my skateboard, and started for home. I decided to take a less direct route to deliver a letter, and I swung by a friend’s house to visit them and their daughter in their half painted home.
I left on my skateboard, went to a house full of friends on College. I said hello.
I skated further down the road on the way to my house, and stopped by another friend’s house, said hello translated some ancient writings and hung out for a while.
I started home. I skated through downtown and saw a friend walking into an establishment, so went and said hello to him, talked for a while.
I went home. Watched a movie, hung out with the boys, went to bed.

Impromptu visits are the best. Who needs a phone when you can just skate to a friends house to say hello. I love Regina for this. I love it.
Ron Burgundy attests, ‘It’s a fact, it’s the greatest city in the history of mankind.’