Author: Nic Olson

I’m back to home number two on my list of homes. That is Yellowknife. My list of homes also includes Aizawl, Regina, Chile, my bed, and sometimes the Atlantic Ocean.

After a good twenty-two hours in a tin box with wheels rolling on the pink pavement, two walls of trees on either side, dodging deer, moose, polar bears and penguins, I arrived.

We went to the cabin, yeah the one with wolverines, played some backgammon and ate some steaks.

I’m tired. It is good to be back to home number two.

These are the top phrases or questions I have heard since I have been home. If you have said one of them, don’t feel bad, so did two hundred other people.

How was India? Really, this is a lame-ass question. Firstly, it seems to me that it is bad grammar. Is India a person I just went and visited? Is it important for me to know how India is, when the real question that they want to know is how my time was in India, or how I was in India. When I left, India seemed pretty dirty and humid, if that is what you are asking. I don’t know.

Is it good to be home? Like, come on. Let’s get creative here. If I say no, it looks like I don’t care for my friends or family. If I say yes, it looks like I was struggling through my time in India and could barely wait to get home. That’s just not true. You know the answer anyways, so let’s just skip that one.

I read (past tense) your blog all the time. This is weird. I’m glad if you read it and enjoyed it, but I didn’t think anyone read it except Wilf and Laura. It is a touch embarrasing that people read it, because I put a lot of stupid useless crap in there… Anyway, your loss, I guess.

You’re going to Yellowknife….Why? Because I miss my big sister. I have got a lot of crap for this summer adventure, and I guess for good reason. I come home for 2 weeks and leave again for 3 months. Where’s the love? Yellowknife, I guess.

Your handsomeness has increased tenfold since you have left. No one has said that to me. That is an outright lie.

So, if I haven’t seen you yet since I have arrived home, come up with a mind blowing, face melting question for me. Someone asked me about the toilets right off the bat, and I thought that was nice. I’m ready for anything. Even the word panties.

I’ve been home for a few days now, and things are swell.

Some things I missed from home:

-doorknobs. they seriously don’t have these in India. I know, how the heck does that work? But somehow it does.
-internet and electricity.
-friends and the fam. but that is a given.
-tacos.. crap, those are good.
-Angel Sombrutski.
-Hockey. i can’t express that one with words, only a sound that goes like this, ‘Ahhhhoohhhhhhman…ahhhyeahbaby.’

Some things I miss from India:

-sleep. changing sleep schedules is awful. i feel like i was run over by a steamroller and the peed on by a cat with West Nile virus.
-rice. although there is rice in Canada, i know it will never be the same.
-that fact that it was not freezing cold Sasky
-the peeps

Some things I’m excited for:
-Pirates 3. i’m predicting an epic classic.
-The OC season 4 on dvd.. ohhh yeah.
-summer

Now if I only knew what I was doing in two weeks, or even in two days. I figured I’d start a bidding war for my summer destination. Yk, R-dot, Cowtown.. Where should I go? If you want me to come to your city, or avoid your city, let me know, it may help in the decision making process. Let the bidding war begin. I hear a wolverine infested cottage, do I hear a ‘live at home for free all summer’? Going once, going twice…

I’m home.
My adventure has ended, I am safe at home, and now I’m back to boring old me.

Special thanks to Heather, John, Tyler and Jordan for showing up in Calgary. The Blizzard was artistically created, and things will never be the same again between Heather and Tyler. That was the best Welcome to Canada present a guy could ask for.

Special thanks for Wilf and Laura and Lucas for the welcome back to Regina greeting. It was equally as warm and cuddly. Lucas looked supremely handsome.

In some ways it feels like I never left. But, in a more accurate way it feels like I was gone for 4 months. But still in another way, it feels like my eyes were sprayed with monkey pee, because they really hurt right now. By the way, I saw two monkeys chained up on the streets of Calcutta. They hissed at me, and surprised me. Then, I ate them for supper.

But right now, I’m ready for some hangouts. Let’s go swimming, go for tea, go for a walk. I will appreciate your company so much that you’ll think I actually care about you. That’s right, I said it. I’ve got like eight kilograms of tea, so come on out, we’ll drink 15 pots of tea and pee more than we visit.

It’s good to be back. It’s good to be black.

(I’ll try and post the rest of my pictures someday soon. Even the PG rated ones.)

Calcutta. Kolkata. The City of Joy. Whatever you want to call it, I’m there. Dirty, stinky, awkward, huge, cheap, tasty. It is no wonder why I like it here.

Right off the plane, instant sweat. The only appropriate simile I can think of is hot like hell.

I checked out a few places, got lost a few times, almost passed out a few times. It isn’t so bad here if you have a hotel room with AC to recharge in every now and then. But mine just broke not long ago…. so maybe I won’t make it home.

One and a half more days of this giant and I’m gone. This place would be way cooler if I had someone to share it with. Tyler B or Mr. T. For some reason, India keeps making me think of Tyler. I’m in love.

Jerms, I will try to get you some VIP Frenchies. Where did you get your swimming trunks?

and Wilf, the chilli fish was great.

Calgary:
London to Calgary
British Airways flight 1103 (I think…) arriving at 655pm on May 16.

I expect these people to be there:
Tyler B. and the rest of the Beautel crew. (get it, beaut..)
Heather Mc.
Lisette F.
John C.
Smiling Hank
Harold

Regina:
Calgary to Regina
Air Canada arriving at 1148pm on May 16.

I expect no one to come, but if you wanna come, do it.

See you there.

it happens more than you would think.
like when i’m eating supper at home with the whole family and Wilf leaves the table.
but for real, it happens more than you’d think.

i know you likely won’t believe me, but the girls here think i’m cool.. where they got that idea, i just don’t know, but that is what they think, i think.

tonight i went out with a friend and her family. yeah, her family. first we went to a recording studio, where my friend’s older sister is recording a new CD, because she is a Mizo popstar. don’t believe me? here’s a music video to prove it.
anyways, we got to listen to some of her new songs that are going to be coming out next month, however it is not a worldwide release. but i am working on tour where she backs up Nelly Furtado and Metallica in Canada this June. don’t believe me? that’s probably good.

after this adventure we headed to David’s Kitchen. if you’ve ever been to Aizawl, you’ll know that this is the preimer place to eat, for all people, even white guys. We ordered a few mocktails and a few dishes and sat around for a while. After a few minutes of getting gunned off of our mocktails, in walked thirty Mizoram Supermodels. There was this Supermodel Competition here throughout the past few weeks, and they were having a closing celebration at the same restaurant we were having a birthday celebration for my friend’s dad.
turns out, i had met a few of these supermodel girls a few weeks before at the tennis court, and they waved at me as they walked in. i turned my head and pretended i didn’t see them, to avoid any awkward conversation. girls all over the place, i just didn’t know what to do. i can barely handle one at a time, 4+ is not a good idea.
after a funfilled meal of rice and all that goes with, we hopped into the car and headed to my house. on the way, we listened to Nelly Furtado. really loud.

it was an good night, to say the least… i know you are likely getting tired of me talking about the girls here, or maybe you just don’t believe me, but if you want to see cute girls by the bucket load, and want to meet popstars and supermodels and get celeb status, Mizoram is the place for you. which means, it is the place for me.

i’m a huge loser.

I leave Mizoram on May 12, then I am in Guwahati for a few days, and Calcutta for a few days. I leave India on may 16th and arrive in Calgary around 655pm. I leave Calgary around 1030, I believe, so if you are from Calgary and I love you, come meet me there, we’ll go for burritos or something. That is one thing I miss bad… burritos. ohh.

I get into Regina on May 16 somewhere around midnight, if you really want to see what I look like after a long stint in Calcutta then a good smelly flight home, come visit, if not, we can go for Icebergs that next morning. No better way to start a morning than giant hamburgers, I always say.

I told you once things quieted down, I’d run out of things to say and these would get sucky. I did fall off a 12 foot cliff the other day. That was exciting. And I swam in the dirtiest water since that time Moses turned the water to blood. Dirtier than that. Even though that was likely blessed by God and technically the holiest water of all time..

Anyway, I look forward to a reunion with all of you. If you are from Calgary, seriously, come welcome me back to Canada. I’ll post the flight number and times later.
yeahhh.