Balls of Rice

Author: Nic Olson

  • Saskatchewberta

    Good highways, cheap gas, good looking girls. Must have just returned to Saskatchewan. Yeah, I’m just as surprised as you. Cute girls here? I haven’t seen much yet…

    I saw about 5 Moving trucks coming from Calgary to Regina. The boom continues.

    I hit up Calgary this past weekend, visits with old friends, new friends, people I haven’t seen in ten years. I saw them all. And it was good. I haven’t had that many serious talks with that many people in the past six months. Usually it is just, ‘(swearword) Nic, hurry your (adjective followed by a swearword) up and get that (family member followed by a swearword) wheel barrow of (swearword) concrete over here… Are you (swearword) out of it? You (swearword) crackhead (swearword). (swearword).’ That is about as deep as it gets.
    Three weeks, I quit. Nothing sweeter.
    Tennis season begins. I bought new shoes and shorts. Now I don’t have to play naked and barefoot. Someday there will be a tennis league like that. The Womens Australian Open 2008 Final maybe.

  • 197


    Thank you John Ferguson Jr.
    That is what $1.375 million buys you.

  • Ode to Dave

    Refer to Balls of Rice Edition: February 10, 2007. 

    I promised an ‘Ode to the Blue Footed Booby’, and here it is. 

    Dave Turner. Gentleman. Scholar. Soccer goal scorer. Philanthropist. A real man.
    I drove Dave to the airport this past Sunday at 5am to dominate Winnipeg, and then the world. I miss the guy already. He stayed at my house for a lot of the time he had been back in Regina, and though he cost me a lot of money on groceries and eating out, a broken second controller for Guitar Hero, and a large amount of wasted gas money, I miss him already. 
    Throughout the week, my house is empty as a church on a Monday, and when I have people like Dave to comfort me when I’m lonely, and watch The Office with when I am tired, it is a good thing. 
    I admire Dave for many reasons. His honesty, devotion and real-ness, as well as his chiseled jawline and eyes as blue as a clear June sky. He is doing something he loves, and is continuing to do it because it makes him happy, and he’s helping others. He lives a life that is real and full of passion, and constantly strives for something better. He doesn’t care that he’s nearly 30 and still single. He doesn’t jump into trends and get married all the time. He’s a bonafide hardworking meat-eating sonofagun. 
    Add what you think of Dave. Hate the guy? Love him? Hope he stays on a tour bus and doesn’t come back? Let him know, via my blog. Personally, I love his guts.

  • Kevin Martin, the baldest of them all.

    With Saskatchewan’s playoff loss in the Brier looming, and Montreal’s one night drop from first to fifth still hanging over me, Friday is a bit tainted.  I went home today to nourish myself with large amounts of beef and vegetables, two things I don’t get living on my own, and played a few rounds of pool with my dad, the moustacheless wonder. The house looks nicer than it has in 30 years, and it isn’t for us. It is for some poor, rich family who is getting robbed on the price of some 2x4s and bricks, laid out with hardwood and ceramic tile. Realty is a real harlot.

    In a short amount of time, I will have the opportunity to quit my job. I have been looking forward to this since the first day I started working. There is just so much better things a guy could be doing. Shortly after I quit my job, I’ll start packing, and shortly after packing, I’ll start flying to India. 
    When I was in India last time, people kept asking me when I’d come back. Being the responsible 18 year old at the time, I told them that I’d come back in five or so years, after my schooling was finished. I was wrong. India gets what she wants. And she wants me, and some friends, to caress her for the summer. Nothing is more exciting than this trip. Nothing is more exciting than leaving the country and getting groovy in India. That place owns me. 
    I’ve got a 100L backpack that has two shirts and a pair of shorts in it. If anyone has anything the want to get to India for whatever reason, legal or not, send it my way. I’m a drug mule. A note, a book, a towel, a few Rupees. I will be sure it goes somewhere it needs to be, and won’t be used for some silly Canadians. Unless that is what it was intended for. Silly Canadians, rickshaws are for Hindus.
    Love always,
    Barack O’Clinton

  • I don’t know if you like hockey very much, or if you do, you are probably interested in the lack-luster hockey that is the Western Division. The Red Wings up on everyone by 20 points every season for the past ten seasons. That is new and exciting…

    But I like hockey. And it turns out, that the team I like is in first place in the East. People picked Ottawa to win the cup, but they can’t even hold a coach for an entire season.
    Anyway, since the East is so tight right now, and first place might be tossed around for quite a while, I thought I’d take this opportunity to point out to everyone what is going on, and who is really going to win the Cup.
    Analysis: Before you start criticizing Bob Gainey on the Huet trade, think about it for a while. He obviously shopped around for a while trying to get something for him, but couldn’t find anything amazing. He was an free agent at the end of the season, and there was no need to sign him, what with this young man to the left (Price) coming up and a solid backup in Halak. So, instead of losing Huet at season’s end for nothing, they got a draft pick for next season. Think towards the future. Which is why Gainey didn’t trade away three young players for a rental for three months.. He’s a genius, not a Ferguson Jr.
    Cup or not, the Canadiens are the team to beat. Keep an eye out. ’93 is coming back.

  • I have nothing to say here. I just figured I’d blog on the one day of the year that doesn’t happen every year.

    Happy Leap Year. If I could leap a year, it wouldn’t be this one. So far it hasn’t been anything special, but soon enough it will explode with flavour. 

    2008, I hardly knew ye.

  • Trade Deadline

    Today at lunch I said how this trade deadline has been boring, and something like a chick flick, tame and predictable.

    Not the case. 
    If you don’t know what I’m talking about, move to Canada.
    Huet to Washington for a bag of pucks? But I can read the headlines for this June already. ‘Price Leads Canadiens to Triumphant Stanley Cup Victory’
    Go HERE for the best analysis of what went down. Other than Jay Onrait, TSN has the worst analysis since the grade five science fair. John Ferguson Jr. and Mike Milbury? Backed by Pierre McGuire and sometimes Bobby Clarke? If you want the opinions of the two worst GM’s in the history of the NHL and some honourable mentions, go to TSN. (Totally Sweet Ninjas) Buncha deadbeats.

  • the first one bites the dust.

    Today begins it. A very long and drawn out wedding season. Beginning in February and ending in hell. Or maybe August. I don’t know. The first wedding is today. Doesn’t matter who it is, you probably don’t know them anyways.  It seems all too trendy these days to tie the knot. Probably because I’m not doing it, it became trendy. Just like how I’m growing my hair out long, it became not trendy to do so. Not cool at all.

    This week I got abandoned because of a few other trends. 
    Yellowknife, a trend that is dying quickly. 
    Going on tour, trendy forever.
    Furnaces that work, way too trendy for me. I got left in the ’11degreesCelcius when I woke up’ ice dust.
    Having money, trenderiffic. I got paid today, but not enough. Before that I was down to a few quarters and a pack of Wheat Crunch.
    The Oscars. The ultimate trend of the trendiest place on earth. No one good ever wins. I mean, I’ve never won one.. 
    Travelling overseas. No matter how trendy this is, I’m doing it. Again and again. So stoked. 
    Next time I have a feeling that something might be emerging as trendy, I’m putting all my trendless eggs in the trendy basket, and can claim I started it all. Like rocketboots. Or having a completely hairless body.
    Congrats to those getting wed. May the happiest day of your life, be the trendiest day of mine.


  • Nothing like celebrating the biggest win in twenty years with some Family Photos.
    The Bombers lose, the Riders win. There is no better outcome. I have a few left. If you want one, give me your address, and if I ever get not lazy, I’ll send one your way.

  • Everyone’s doing it…




    The Giants beat the Patriots. Didn’t see that coming. But I also didn’t see them beating the Cowboys or the Packers. So what do I know. Here are two of the best commercials. There were way too many good ones. Both have to do with Will Ferrell.