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this topic makes me feel good and bad, at the same time.

this weekend, old friend Tyler Butel is in town.. he is sleeping in my basement as we speak. he’s here for 2 more days, playing some hockey, eating some food, hopefully shooting off some fireworks. seeing him last night for the first time in 3 months was a good thing. before that three months, it was a long time though.. him in oklahoma, me in regina, i see him less than i did when he lived in oman, which is a heck of a lot further away then oklahoma, or calgary. but seeing him, brought up a certain feeling, one that i cannot really describe. when you see someone you haven’t seen in a long time, it feels right.

i miss quite a few people, and sometimes thinking about it even sucks. i miss my friend seong bin lee. i spent every day of grade 12 with this guy, eating lunch, every class together, driving around. saying goodbye to him was the hardest goodbye i’ve ever said to anyone.. probably because i wasn’t sure if i would ever see him again.. he is now in ontario, going to school to be a billionaire, because he’s a genius. i miss him the most.

saying goodbye to bin was not fun. i didn’t enjoy it.. i am a firm believer in saying goodbyes, even if you will see that person in 19 minutes.. if you won’t see the person for much longer, a goodbye is very necessary, or else, you leave it all up in the air, and it doesn’t feel complete.

i miss lots of other people too. but with him, there was that chance i’d never see him again, that makes it much more real.. i miss eric g, face and kurtis, just to name a few, but i am fairly sure that i will see them again. i hope so anyways.

well, this being said, to all those people i haven’t seen in more than a month, i miss you. everyone else, wait a month, and i might care about you.. we’ll see.

oops i did it again. i played with your heart, and got lost in this game. oh baby, baby.
…. i’m not that innocent.

oh, brittany spears, you can cut to the core of me.. you sure can. with your white trash ex-husband, and your kids you can’t even take care of, and your awful music that created a whole new level of awful when you were wearing only jewels and singing about being toxic.

anyway, i did it again. no big surprise. i do it once every couple years, if i’m lucky.. always has to do with girls, getting mad at me, for good reason. last time was in grade 10, on the bus on the way home, i said something, one of her friends ‘overheard’ told her, and the next morning i was welcomed with about 6 girls with angry faces, arms on their hips, tapping their foot. that kind of angry.. we did a lap around the hallway, she told me what i did, i told her i was sorry, and that was about it.

but, even though it happens once every couple years, i don’t learn. ever. i still do it, even in my mature university persona, i am no better off than i was in grade 10. i was such a loser in grade 10, bad hair, and clothes. sweet friends though..

anyways, the reason i am not saying what i did, or to whom, is because that might send this into an entirely new kind of spiral i am not used to, and that would be bad. just like they say, one spiral is often enough.. just like advil.

i bet this makes no sense. basically this:

nic + people = bad things

sorry everyone.

since i haven’t done it in a while, and tim is my role model, here is the gridblurb.
i’m not entirely sure what it is about, because i barely understand English, but the idea of ‘living in the light of death’ was something i found interesting..

death is something i am far from understanding. i just don’t get it somehow. how when people die, they don’t wake up. how, apparently, they still ‘live’ but not on this earth. being the shallow teenager i am, it’s still hard to understand that there is anything beyond this earth that you could live in.. and this brings in my lack of knowledge of heaven and all that. is it like scooby doo the movie where all your souls are in a large cauldron?
but, for some reason i think about this a lot: i think about me dieing, or my friends dieing, or my family dieing.. i think about what the funeral would be like if i died, or if one of my friends died. i think about how many people would show up, if i would be one of the highest on the grieving chart. all i know is, no matter who died, i would have no clue how to handle it. i am not emotionally equipped for that kind of stuff. i would probably just not leave my room for a month. somehow that would solve it all. i’m not even emotionally equipped to deal with girls that cry for no reason, i couldn’t handle people crying for a legitimate reason.

i am not comfortable with death. maybe because i’m not comfortable with life. maybe because i don’t understand anything about either life or death. what i do know is that death will get me. it will sneak up on me like a surprise shot to the groin, not something i really wish for myself, but is inevitable.. all i can do, is hope that my days before that shot to the groin are filled with some sort of purpose, whether it is making other people happy, or sitting here, writing stupid blogs.

CBC will always be number one for news. Especially with hits like this! Click below.

DANG!

today at the supper table, the family was talking about how cultured they were.
not really at all, but they were talking about france, and all the awesome things there, and then eventually started talking about india and the unique experiences there.

i quietly sat at my end of the table, ate my food, and contributed nothing to the conversation.

how could i? when they said, ‘oh we had this amazing exotic goat cheese, as we rode the train to the museum of everything awesome’ i would say, ‘well, one time in swift current i went to taco time with jeremy. it was wild’

today, driving home from school, i thought being a trucker would be sweet. i like a good road trip, and am pretty good at them if i do say so myself. so i figured i would create a job better than a trucker. i am thinking of starting a professional road trip coordinator. you pay me to go on roadtrips.. you can come if you’d like, but i could go alone.
fees include:
gas money, food money, money to create a great scrapbook, and extra spending money for road trip essentials such as fireworks, spitz and waterslides or rollercoasters.

give me a call, and i will road trip for you..

the second installment of the ‘Nic’s Future’ series.

lately, i have been thinking ASTRONAUT. i can barely spell it, but it seems like it suits me. i went to the Imax this past weekend, because i’m that cool, and saw a movie about the moon. it was the biggest let down i’ve ever encountered. first off, it was advertised as 3D, but it wasn’t actually a 3D movie.. secondly, it was 30 minutes long. we paid the price of a movie to see a half hour movie that had about 3% actual footage of the moon in it, the rest was all animated stuff. and it was narrated by tom hanks. you can’t get much worse.. so i decided, i’m going to become an astronaut, and make a good imax movie. one that everyone goes and sees, and is narrated by johnny knoxville and steve-O.

but seriously, i have been thinking about that astronaut idea for a while now, but i heard you have to be under 5’10”.. true?

throughout this endless search for my future career, i have wanted to become an athletic trainer, dentist, engineer, professional muscle man, and countless other ideas, often changing from week to week.
so, basically, i’m screwed. unless the U of R is opening a new department in The Study of the Dentistry of Athletic Therapy on Muscle Man Engineers, in Space.
cause that’d be right up my alley.

well, i played soccer today. but, it wasn’t fun. i played the worst i’ve played in a while..
that’s enough of that.

these days, my purpose of each hour, is to get through it, and hopefully not die. school has been alright, i enjoy it quite a bit, but i am lazier than a guy from holland just after he ate 4 cupcakes. and i’m telling you, that is lazy..
i am down to my last 10 dollar bill this week. i broke my final twenty, month old birthday money, to buy an iceberg. an iceberg is a large burger, about the size of your face. and it was fantastic.. now i have that 10 dollar bill to last me until june. i bet it won’t last until next weekend.

with that in mind, i have been thinking quite long and hard about dropping out of school this upcoming semester, and if i do that, getting a job. i need money, i know jobs blow and school is way better, but it seems the most logical right now.. i also have been putting some thought into travel. ever since jeremy, and also wilf and laura went to india, i have been very interested. i would love to learn, live and hangout there, in a totally new place. it sounds weird, but i have been thinking about it quite a bit. it might be that random wishes of a stupid teenager, but i think it would be good for me.. i dont know. i guess, the only way that would work, is if the mcmillans wanted me anywhere near them. because surprisingly, i don’t know anyone else in india.

or maybe i’ll go nanny in franny. france. the official term is ‘au pair’.. i think. something french anyways. that one would be up to conrad and daphne, and if they wanted me anywhere near them, because again, i know no one else in france.

anyways, those are my ideas about the future. my last 10 dollar bill says i will just stay in school for the winter semester, and live off of my parents. they are good that way.. and in many other ways, of course. anyone want to take that bet?

i watched this movie tonight, and i enjoyed it. but i’m not sure why.

i bet part of it was that it had lucy liu in it.. and she is smoking hot.
i bet part of the reason i liked it was because it was well written, with the twists and turns that make a good movie good.
i bet part of it was that it was a bit different than lots of movies, and something about that appealed to me.

but, thinking about it, i think the reason i enjoyed it, was that it was a movie about revenge. i have seen quite a few movies with this same topic, like man on fire, sin city, and other such movies, and enjoyed them equally as much. and although these are all movies, well written, and a bit different than lots of movies, they all deal with that revenge thing.

what is it about revenge that is so appealing? is it that revenge is something that i probably shouldn’t do, or even think about? or is it that revenge is something that will get you in deeper than you wanted.. i know that revenge on my level obviously won’t be avenging the death of someone close to me, but is still there, like it or not..

i think that the feeling of desired revenge is something that everyone feels but that everyone handles it in their own way. some people may get revenge by doing something equally as painful or worse than what was done to them. i think some people get revenge secretly, whether this is spreading lies, or quietly ignoring. and i think some people take these feelings and swallow them down with a good sip of coke and a clench of the fists.

i dont know about everyone else, but these movies appeal to me, because it is an extreme of something that i feel, something i can relate to. sad as it may be.

let’s go watch some hockey.

wilf and laura left this morning, for a 5 star vacation to France courtesy of SaskPower, so here i am at home..

but no, it is not as you think it would be.
i am cooking good food. last time they left to India, i didnt cook much, if any. i was too in shock that my parents would leave me for christmas.. so this time its different. i’m a big man, right outta highschool/in university, and am cooking my own meal.
it’s pita night at my house.

and loud music is playing, the lights are down, the chicken is sizzling.

it’s a good night.

it was a day, full of some fun stuff.

first school, which was the same as usual. came home, watched some of my brand new episodes of season 3 of the o.c. on dvd, while eating a bowl of chili.

kurtis left town today. or he leaves in like 9 hours, back to yellowknife. thats a bummer. but i bet he’ll be back.. hopefully anyways. yellowknife is full of nothing but weirdos and some loose women.

at kurtis’ house hanging out one last time, i was talking to some one, and while i was talking to someone, i was also putting a random set of handcuffs on my wrist. i am not sure whose they are, but i probably do not want to know.. it was the weirdest thing though, as i talked to someone, and not even thinking, put on these keyless handcuffs.. i knew they had no key, about 2 weeks earlier, someone else had the same predicament, and it took them an hour to pick the lock..
i dont know why i put them on, i only put them on one wrist though.. if you’ve ever known me, you may have noticed that when i talk to people, i dont know what to do with my eyes and eye contact, or my hands.. so, i usually pick up something nearby, rip it up, or play around with it a while. so, today i put on keyless handcuffs..
i am not graceful or patient enough to pick the lock of handcuffs, i figured it would be easier to break them.. so, for an hour, using utensils such as spoons, knife sharpeners, stoves, cresent wrenches, styrofoam peanuts, bobby pins and knives, i broke free of the handcuffs.. my wrist was sore as heck, but i was free..

that was probably the stupidest thing i’ve ever done..